‘C’mon, C’mon,’ Says Matt Damon Desperately Searching For Own Name On List Of IMDB User Dolphinsoul60’s Top 100 Actors

LOS ANGELES—Saying “No, no, no” to himself as he worked his way down the page, a desperate Matt Damon reportedly spent Thursday fervently searching for his name on IMDB user Dolphinsoul60’s list, “Top 100 Actors.” “Jason Bateman...Chris Evans…Gene Hackman? C’mon, c’mon, Dolphinsoul60. Where is your boy?” said the…

‘The Bachelor’ Accused Of Leveraging His Power As A Reality TV Star To Lure 30 Women To California Mansion

AGOURA HILLS, CA—Following an explosive report into allegedly abusive conduct, sources confirmed Colton Underwood, star of the current season of The Bachelor, was accused Thursday of leveraging his power as a reality television personality to lure and entrap 30 women in a California mansion. “Mr. Underwood convinced…

Tabloid Reveals Pete Davidson, Kate Beckinsale Only Dating As PR Stunt To Promote New York Rangers

NEW YORK—Scoring an inside scoop on the new celebrity couple, the tabloid website TMZ revealed Wednesday that Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale’s relationship is no more than a public-relations ploy orchestrated to raise the profile of the New York Rangers. “We’re in seventh place, the season’s winding down, and we…

‘Game Of Thrones’ Creators Frantically Re-Shoot Finale To Make Peter Dinklage Death Seem Intentional

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to create the illusion that the horrific decapitation was deliberate, Game Of Thrones producers were frantically re-shooting the series finale Tuesday to make Peter Dinklage’s death seem intentional. “Christ, okay, shit, maybe we can get some B-roll footage to establish a visual explanation…

Michael Jackson Estate Releases New Documentary Alleging King Of Pop Gets Lifetime Pass For ‘Thriller’

LOS ANGELES—In response to a film featuring two men who say that the singer sexually abused them as children, the estate of Michael Jackson released a new documentary Friday alleging that the King of Pop gets a lifetime pass for Thriller. “The claim we lay out in our documentary is that whatever bad things that pop…

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