Illustration for article titled Aging Tom Cruise No Longer Able To Climb Outer Wall Of Skyscraper Without Taking Break Halfway Through

SAN DIEGO—As Tom Cruise rested on a window ledge 300 feet in the air and took a sip of water Friday, onlookers remarked that the 57-year-old actor was really showing his age by taking a break midway through his scaling of One America Plaza. “It’s tough to watch how winded he gets nowadays, especially after he gets past the 14th or 15th floor of a building,” said Paramount Pictures CEO Jim Gianopulos, who has worked with Cruise on the Mission Impossible franchise and the forthcoming Top Gun: Maverick, explaining that a skyscraper climb that might have taken the star just 20 minutes a decade ago now takes up to an hour. “Tom probably needs to be more realistic about the expectations he’s placing on his body in middle age. He’ll be running from a moving train and Henry Cavill or someone will dart right past him and he’ll get so upset. I’ll tell him, ‘It’s okay! You’re older now. You’re allowed to hold on to the side of a jet with two hands instead of just one!’” At press time, disappointed sources reported seeing Cruise hanging from a construction crane near the 29th floor trying to work out a charley horse.


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