Illustration for article titled Brad Pitt Stumbles Across Old Cardboard Box With Gwyneth Paltrow’s Head In Atticem/em

LOS ANGELES—Making the discovery while searching his attic for a pair of rarely worn snow pants, actor Brad Pitt on Friday reportedly stumbled across an old cardboard box containing the severed head of Gwyneth Paltrow. “Oh man, I totally forgot about this up here! Right after we broke up I never wanted to see it again, but now I’m glad I held on to it—really takes me back to some good times,” said Pitt, judging from the missing teeth and dented cranium that movers must have dropped the box at some point. “I remember when I had it up on my mantle for a while, until it was too painful to be around. [Morgan] Freeman is going to get a real kick out of it when I tell him.” At press time, Pitt had decided to bring the head downstairs in case his kids wanted to play with it.

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