GALVESTON, TX—Saying that the red carpet fashions were too luscious to be consumed in a hurry, 32-year-old marketing manager Gabrielle Lauriston reportedly kept the Vanity Fair “Oscars Best-Dressed” slideshow tab open Monday to be savored as a feast at her leisure. “I don’t want to pick at these piece by piece, so I’ll just wait until later, when I can really, truly indulge myself,” said Lauriston, adding that she would gorge upon what Sienna Miller, Jessica Chastain, and Lupita Nyong’o wore when things got slow around three. “Maybe I’ll check out the first few slides as a succulent little reward for getting through these emails, but the true banquet comes later, when I click through the whole slideshow several times until I’ve had my fill.” Sources later confirmed that Lauriston had already scarfed down the slideshow as well as an entire “Oscars Baubles And Bracelets” article before noon.

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