‘C’mon, C’mon,’ Says Matt Damon Desperately Searching For Own Name On List Of IMDB User Dolphinsoul60’s Top 100 Actors

Graphic: The Onion

LOS ANGELES—Saying “No, no, no” to himself as he worked his way down the page, a desperate Matt Damon reportedly spent Thursday fervently searching for his name on IMDB user Dolphinsoul60’s list, “Top 100 Actors.” “Jason Bateman...Chris Evans…Gene Hackman? C’mon, c’mon, Dolphinsoul60. Where is your boy?” said the Hollywood leading man to himself, pausing only to take a look at number 54 on the list, but slamming his fist after seeing it was “Matt Dillon” and not “Matt Damon.” “Harry Dean Stanton is on here? Jesus Christ. I get it if I’m not in the top 10, but you’d think I’d at least be top 100. Have they even seen Good Will Hunting? Maybe I just missed it. I’ll scroll back up.” At press time, Damon had perked up after spotting his picture on a different list, having not yet noticed it was Dolphinsoul60’s “Top 25 Most Overrated Actors.”

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