Celebrities Celebrate Valentine's Day

Illustration for article titled Celebrities Celebrate Valentines Day

Like most Americans, celebrity couples enjoy going out to eat or buying flowers around this time of year. How are Hollywood sweethearts celebrating Valentine’s Day?

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Illustration for article titled Celebrities Celebrate Valentines Day

Sam Mendes and Kate Winslet: Going to see The Reader, whooping whenever Winslet appears naked

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Seal and Heidi Klum: Dinner at the Olive Garden, followed by a trip to the mall, so Klum can finally spend her $50 Victoria’s Secret gift certificate, then on to a room at a nearby Best Western, where the pair will have awkward sex

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman: Hot, nasty, animalistic fucking

Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox: Watching DVDs of Beverly Hills 90210 as a notoriously jealous Austin Green forces Fox to make out with him during every scene involving Dylan

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Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart: One kiss at 6:30 p.m.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw: Red cowboy hats

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins: Rediscovering their love for each other by discussing the Horn of Africa’s female genital mutilation pandemic over a candlelight dinner

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Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn: Not sure, but it smells like burning tires

Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood: Oh, dear god, please, let it be a quiet night at home

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