LOS ANGELES—In a solemn ceremony held Thursday alongside the infinity pool at his Malibu estate, actor Chris Hemsworth reportedly deputized well-regarded local hunk Troy Richardson to assume all “Sexiest Man Alive” duties in his absence. “I hereby entrust you with the full rights and responsibilities of the position anytime I am unavailable, including the authority to show off your rock-hard abs in a sizzling GQ spread and accept Teen Choice Awards in my stead,” Hemsworth said during the official swearing-in, which was attended by several fellow hard-bodied beefcakes and a notary public. “Now repeat after me: I vow to maintain the cut and definition of my pecs, keep my body fat to a minimum, and never fasten the top three buttons of any shirt I wear. Congratulations, Troy.” At press time, sources confirmed Hemsworth had returned to the set of Thor: Ragnarok and sent the newly deputized studmuffin to be photographed while emerging bare-chested from the surf.

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