Illustration for article titled Clint Eastwood Propositions Film Critic To Obtain More Positive Review Of ‘Richard Jewell’

ATLANTA—His hands shaking a bit as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, director Clint Eastwood reportedly propositioned Susan Parker of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Monday, offering to sleep with the critic in exchange for a more favorable review of his latest film, Richard Jewell. “Just sweeten it up a little, make it sound like a fun movie to watch, and you can take me right here,” the 89-year-old Oscar winner said to a panicked Parker before lifting up a pant leg and rolling down a dress sock to reveal his bare, varicose-veined calf to the reviewer. “It doesn’t even need to be a glowing review—just scrap all that stuff about how it treats the FBI and the media the same way the Trump administration does. What do you say? You do a little something for me, I’ll do a little something for you.” At press time, Parker was gently patting the back of Eastwood, who was doubled over in a prolonged coughing fit after a failed attempt to caress the critic’s crotch.

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