Clint Eastwood Propositions Film Critic To Obtain More Positive Review Of ‘Richard Jewell’

Illustration for article titled Clint Eastwood Propositions Film Critic To Obtain More Positive Review Of ‘Richard Jewell’

ATLANTA—His hands shaking a bit as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, director Clint Eastwood reportedly propositioned Susan Parker of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Monday, offering to sleep with the critic in exchange for a more favorable review of his latest film, Richard Jewell. “Just sweeten it up a little, make it sound like a fun movie to watch, and you can take me right here,” the 89-year-old Oscar winner said to a panicked Parker before lifting up a pant leg and rolling down a dress sock to reveal his bare, varicose-veined calf to the reviewer. “It doesn’t even need to be a glowing review—just scrap all that stuff about how it treats the FBI and the media the same way the Trump administration does. What do you say? You do a little something for me, I’ll do a little something for you.” At press time, Parker was gently patting the back of Eastwood, who was doubled over in a prolonged coughing fit after a failed attempt to caress the critic’s crotch.