Exasperated Plumber Explains To Kanye West Why Flushing Awards Bad For Toilet

Illustration for article titled Exasperated Plumber Explains To Kanye West Why Flushing Awards Bad For Toilet

CALABASAS, CA—Reaching into the multi-platinum artist’s overflowing pipes and pulling out several feces-and-toilet-paper-covered trophies, exasperated local plumber Larry DeGroot explained to Kanye West Thursday why flushing large metal awards was bad for his toilet. “Well, I think I found the problem, and that clanking metal noise you’re hearing probably has something to do with all the Grammys, BET Awards, and Moonman you have clogging up the works,” said DeGroot, who after using a snake to extract the dozens of honorary doctorates, certificates, and framed albums from the system, shook his head in disbelief when he found a full 6-feet long Teen Choice Award surfboard banging around in the septic tank. “Look pal, I’m not trying to shame you, but mashing these metal trophies around with a toilet brush or pouring down a ton of Drano is just going to cost you another 1,000 bucks. Trust me, I dealt with the same thing at John William’s house. The worst thing you can do is ignore the problem and keep relieving yourself on top of it until it builds up too much pressure and explodes.” At press time, DeGroot added that it didn’t seem to be all Kanye’s fault, as there also seemed to be several red-carpet gowns, large diamonds, and designer leather pumps flushed down the toilet.

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