NEW YORK—Expressing their excitement at the preview of the latest installment in the popular franchise, self-proclaimed Star Wars fans told reporters Monday that they were blown away by a newly released Solo trailer that sheds light on specifically how the upcoming film will suck. “In the past, they’ve teased at the way the new movie is going to completely blow, but the full-length trailer really shows so much more about how shitty and wooden Alden Ehrenreich will be as a young Han Solo working his way through a boilerplate origin story,” said fan Lynn Hayes, noting that while the producers have provided hints at the way Solo would be a giant crock of shit—such as substantial script rewrites and the original directors being fired mid-shoot—it was a “real treat” to see the new trailer reveal so much about how the cast’s total lack of chemistry and the cringe-inducing dialogue would make the film a complete train wreck. “The teaser definitely stoked a lot of speculation about whether the movie would be mediocre because of generic characters like Therm Scissorpunch, Ron Howard’s uneven direction, or meaningless fan service like showing Chewbacca hugging his wife. It’s cool to know that it’s all of those things, and a lot more, that are really going to make this movie fucking garbage.” Hayes was, however, worried the trailer might contain spoilers that rob fans of experiencing a surge of hollow disappointment while watching Solo for the first time.
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