Hardcore Weezer Fan Hates Everything Band Has Released Since Forming

OAKLAND, CA—Stressing that the band had gone downhill since the days they came into existence, hardcore Weezer fan Nathan Staples told reporters Friday that he has hated everything the band released since their formation in 1992. “Yeah, frankly, I think they stopped being good right around the self-titled debut, and everything since then has just gotten progressively worse,” said the self-described Weezer diehard, adding that he sincerely missed the “old Weezer” from before Scott Shriner, Patrick Wilson, Brian Bell, and Rivers Cuomo joined the band. “Obviously, I love these guys, but I remember seeing the ‘Buddy Holly’ video back in the early nineties and realizing, ‘Man, these guys suck now.’ And then Pinkerton really hammered home that they were never coming back. At this point, they’ve released, like, 13 bad albums in a row and I barely remember why I liked them in the first place.” Staples also noted that he still thought Rivers Cuomo’s time as a middle school student without musical training held up as strongly as ever.

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