Media Claims Britney Spears Well Enough To Be Released Back Into Their Sole Custody

Illustration for article titled Media Claims Britney Spears Well Enough To Be Released Back Into Their Sole Custody

LOS ANGELES—Stating that the pop star had made great strides in managing her mental health, the nation’s media outlets reported Monday that Britney Spears was well enough to be released back into their sole custody. “We think the singer has achieved a level of mental fitness to once again be placed completely in the care of the press,” said TMZ host Harvey Levin, echoing thousands of entertainment journalists and paparazzi across the country who declared the iconic singer completely recovered from the highly publicized mental breakdown 12 years ago that led to her conservatorship and was now ready to be placed back under their full supervision. “She’s really turned a corner and what’s best for her at this point in her recuperation is to have her under our control. Having known Britney since she was just a kid, we are the best people to look after her every single day with absolutely no break.” Members of the media added that they were also open to a joint custody agreement where the courts could return her to a conservatorship once they drove her into hitting rock bottom again.

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