Moby Provides Long-Range, Blurry Photo Taken Through Window To Prove He Currently Dating Natalie Portman

LOS ANGELES—In response to the actress’s denial that the two had ever been romantically involved, musician Moby posted a long-range, blurry photo taken through a window to his Instagram page Thursday as proof that he is currently dating Natalie Portman. “Many people have taken umbrage with the characterization of the relationship we shared in the ’90s, so here is a picture of Natalie taken last night at her hotel,” said Moby, who provided the fuzzy image as well as a publicity shot of Portman with a Getty image watermark as corroborating evidence that the pair had been happily together since 1999. “Natalie and I have been in love for 20 years, so it saddens me to hear people, including Natalie, say otherwise. But if we aren’t dating, then why am I always on the phone with her lawyers? Plus, if Natalie Portman and I weren’t soulmates, then why would I have all her trash?” At press time, Moby was refuting claims that the photo of the severed finger he had posted to his Instagram was taken without Portman’s consent.

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