‘We Have Completed The Task,’ Say Citizens

Illustration for article titled Nation Dutifully Gets In Cars, Stands In Line, Watches New Star Wars Movieem/em

WASHINGTON—The film’s official release having finally arrived, millions of Americans across the nation dutifully got in their cars Friday, stood in line, and watched the new Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi. “The latest installment in the Star Wars franchise is now in theaters, which is why I went to my local cinema, purchased a ticket for it, and viewed it with some friends,” said Pittsburgh resident Scott Lamont, one of millions of conscientious moviegoers who carried out their obligation to sit through a complete screening of the film, clap when the characters they liked appeared onscreen, and enthusiastically discuss what they had just seen with their companions as they exited the theater. “Having now watched The Last Jedi, I will proceed to post my opinions on Facebook and Twitter. Then, over the coming weeks, I will purchase merchandise connected with the movie both as holiday gifts for others and mementos for myself.” Lamont later confirmed that he also intended to carry out his responsibility to watch the next Star Wars film in 2019 and all subsequent releases.


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