‘Good—It Is Done,’ Say Americans

WASHINGTON—Viewing the latest entertainment coverage of the 23-year-old singer and actor with great satisfaction, pleased citizens across the U.S. announced Thursday that Selena Gomez had completed her transition into a sexualized plaything just as they had expected. “Good, very good—the cycle is complete,” said Carlisle, PA resident Greg Deleon, one of millions across the country who nodded in approval at a recent Glamour magazine photo spread and Access Hollywood feature segment that signaled the conclusion of the former Disney star’s multi-year transformation into an eroticized puppet meant to occupy the attention of the American mind. “Yes, it is fulfilled, and it can never be undone. She is now but our playtoy, an object of carnality to suggestively dress and pose as we wish, just as those who came before her.” At press time, the nation’s populace had grown bored of Gomez and cast her aside to begin the sequence anew with a fresh, young 14-year-old.