R&B Singer Guesses She’ll Just Keep Moaning Into Mic Until Song Is Over

Photo: The Onion

NEW YORK—Saying she had no idea the final chords were going to go on as long as they did, local R&B singer Kaila Robinson decided Monday that she might as well just keep moaning into the mic until the end of the song. “Well, I finished all of the words I planned to sing and we still have 30 seconds on the track, so...I might as well just some make deep, emotive noises for a while,” said Robinson, adding that she would probably start by wailing in her regular voice before throwing in a few falsetto notes for good measure. “There are three of us up here, so I assume that they’ll probably be moaning, too. Maybe we’ll do a little harmony or a round or something. The backup singers seem to be doing your traditional ‘mmmmuuhhhhhh,’ so I’ll definitely moan some ‘yeeeeeeeuuuuuuhhhhssss’ for some variety. Actually—shit, the song’s still going. I guess maybe I’ll do a couple dozen variations on the world ‘baby’ for a while.” At press time, sources reported that even after the background music had ended, Robinson still continued moaning for an additional 17 minutes.

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