PHILADELPHIA—A new study from the University of Pennsylvania revealed Wednesday that 81 percent of Americans experience muscle tension, elevated heart rate, and profuse sweating when asked what kind of music they most enjoy listening to. "I got so nervous I ended up just blurting out, 'Ween,' and sure, they're fine, but I have no idea why that was the first thing out of my mouth," said 28-year-old Richard Rowe, a participant in the study in which a request to specify even one genre preference induced stress levels seldom observed outside of military combat zones. "Then I muttered something about liking 'a lot '70s guitar stuff.' I hope that didn't make me sound lame." The doctors conducting the study recommended that people confronted with the question in real life should answer, "Yes, I like music," and then quickly walk away.

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