On Feb. 10, the 61st Grammy Awards will honor some of the music industry’s most talented artists and many others. Here are The Onion’s picks for this year’s Grammy winners.


“Tequila” (Best Country Song):

Dan + Shay’s bold composition broke new ground by being one of the first country songs ever to romanticize alcohol.

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Dirty Computer (Album Of The Year):

Janelle Monae’s album was a critical favorite this year and that’s sort of what a Grammy is supposed to be for.

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“This Is America” (Song Of The Year):

This would be Donald Glover’s torso’s first Grammy Award and third nomination.


Standards [Deluxe] (Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album):

Standards is what Traditional Pop Vocal is all about, baby!


Everything Is Love (Best Urban Contemporary Album):

Beyoncé.


Protocol 4 (Best Contemporary Instrumental Album):

There’s no fucking lyrics here, that’s for goddamn sure.


God’s Plan (Record Of The Year):

Could be Drake’s last shot at a Grammy before the whole “groping and texting underage girls” thing catches up to him.

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Hallelujah Here Below (Best Contemporary Christian Music Album):

Southern Baptist pop group Elevation Worship simply loved Jesus more than any other musicians did last year.

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