The Onion’s Guide To The 2020 Oscars: Best Directors

Quentin Tarantino

Filmmaking Style: Heavily employs pastiche drawing from classic films such as Ernest Goes To School, Ernest Goes To Jail, and Ernest Goes To Camp

Career Highlight: Getting to work with big-time Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein

Inspiration: Filling the world’s dorm rooms with posters reflecting his artistic vision

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Martin Scorcese

Tricks Of The Trade: Applied a CGI filter to Robert DeNiro’s face in order to make him appear Irish

Recurring Themes In His Work: Masculinity, religious guilt, mortadella

On-Set Mishaps: Accidentally left camera running on the tracking shot filming the Copacabana scene in Goodfellas that showed the rest of Ray Liotta’s life

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Bong Joon-ho

Filmmaking Style: Allows the actors to ad lib the entire film, then passive aggressively displays better dialogue along the bottom of the screen

Preferred Themes: Environmentalism, social change, jokes that are sort of funny but also kind of just weird things that happen and you go, “Huh, that’s strange”

Defining Films: Snowpiercer FULL MOVIE SOUND (PT 1), Snowpiercer FULL MOVIE SOUND (PT 2 Click LINK TO CONTINUE)

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Sam Mendes

Build: Lithe and birdlike in an alluringly breathless way—supple, naughty, and perfectly tart

Notable For: Trying to warn us about Kevin Spacey with American Beauty (1999)

Fun Fact: Like Skyfall, American Beauty, and Road To Perdition, 1917 continued Mendes’ tradition of basing films on anecdotes told to him by his grandfather

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Todd Phillips

Smartest Career Move: Asking his niece what “incel” means

Aesthetic Philosophy: You’re giving him way too much credit

Favorite Joker: Jared Leto

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Greta Gerwig

Nominations: Oh, whoops, this is embarrassing

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