The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress

The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress
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Maria Bakalova

Maria Bakalova

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress
  • Career Beginnings: Yet another Hollywood actress churned out by the talent farm that is the Bulgarian film industry
  • Acting style: Slavic
  • Real Age: 11
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Glenn Close

Glenn Close

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress
  • Hey, Mama Mia!: That’s Meryl Streep
  • Number Of Days She’s Continued Speaking In Appalachian Accent After Film Wrapped Up Shooting: 427
  • Best Known For: Movies
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Olivia Colman

Olivia Colman

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress
  • Controversy: Continues to win American acting awards as if tens of thousands didn’t perish in the Revolutionary War to stop the British from taking our trophies
  • Signature Move: Smiling gawkily, looking slightly surprised in an innocent way, becoming increasingly stern, and then shouting
  • Career High: Being here with you in this slideshow
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Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress
  • Preparation For The Role: Underwent a painful, experimental surgery to swap her eyeballs with those of a dog
  • Natural Hair Color: None of your fucking business you misogynistic piece of shit
  • Expected Acceptance Speech Topic: Nothing, as she plans to stare at the audience, making disconcerting eye contact with each one of them, before leaving the stage 3 minutes later.
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Youn Yuh-Jung

Youn Yuh-Jung

Illustration for article titled The Onion’s Guide To The 2021 Oscars: Best Supporting Actress
  • First Role: This, as far as you know, you uncultured moron
  • Oscar Ceremony Goals: Get Gary Oldman’s number
  • Advice To Aspiring Actors: “Kiss the ring, motherfuckers.”
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