The Onion’s Holiday TV Guide: Movies And Shows To Watch This Season

Holiday programming is in full swing as networks fill the airwaves with shows to get viewers in the festive spirit, from classic films like It’s A Wonderful Life and How The Grinch Stole Christmas to made-for-TV movies and other holiday specials. Here’s The Onion’s guide to what to watch this holiday season:

  • A Christmas Burden (Lifetime, Friday, Dec. 12, 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST) — The Towson household agrees to host a family friend for the holidays while she’s going through a divorce.
  • Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone (ABC, Saturday, Dec. 13, 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST) — The popular fantasy film gets the holiday treatment by coming out around Christmas.
  • Charlie Rose (PBS, Monday, Dec. 15, 6 p.m. EST/5 p.m. CST) — Veteran host and journalist Charlie Rose conducts an in-depth 90-minute interview with current White House chief of staff Denis McDonough about the true meaning of Christmas.
  • Santas Over Dreidels (ABC Family, Wednesday, Dec. 17, 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST) — As the holidays approach for the interfaith Smith family, the children get ready to celebrate Christmas because their father is more rigid and overbearing.
  • Iron Chef Christmas Throwdown (Food Network, Thursday, Dec. 18, 6 p.m. EST/5 p.m. CST) — Top chefs compete in Kitchen Stadium with this year’s special holiday ingredient: a full-grown Fraser fir.
  • Not My Daughter’s Christmas List (Lifetime, Friday, Dec. 19, 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST) — A loving mother mistakenly purchases gifts for a strange man after she discovers his Christmas list in her daughter’s room.
  • The Christmas Feet (AMC, Sunday, Dec. 21, 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST) — In AMC’s Walking Dead-themed remake of the holiday classic, a child worries that his zombie mother won’t be able to stagger to heaven and meet Jesus with her rotting, putrescent leg stumps.
  • Hamstrung For The Holidays (ABC Family, Monday, Dec. 22, 7 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST) — Embarrassed by her poor cooking skills, perennially single businesswomen Mary Harte hires the nice guy next door to pretend to be her eight-pound glazed ham.
  • Ken Burns: Christmas (NBC, Monday, Dec. 22, 8 p.m. EST/7 p.m. CST) — This entry in Burns’ massive, critically acclaimed documentary series on the Christmas holiday focuses solely on tinsel.
  • Dead Christmas Husband (Lifetime, Tuesday, Dec. 23, 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST) — Christmas is no fun when your husband is dead. Can Judie find a new husband before midnight on Christmas Eve?
  • Yuletimate Logging (HGTV, Tuesday, Dec. 23, 11 p.m. EST/10 p.m. CST) — In this contest of endurance, two large logs duke it out for crackling supremacy.
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