CULVER CITY, CA—Revealing the secret behind his lucrative run on the TV game show, unbeatable Jeopardy! champion James Holzhauer told reporters Tuesday that the key to his success was threatening other contestants with a nail-studded baseball bat during commercial breaks. “My approach is pretty simple: I wait until a few seconds before a new round starts, get the other players’ attention, and tell them I’ll bash in their goddamn skulls if I don’t win,” said Holzhauer, 34, who explained that he had managed to win over $1 million in only 15 games by gripping the bat tightly, taking a few swings near the heads of the other contestants, and stowing the bat behind his podium before taping restarted to emphasize that a potential beating was only moments away. “It’s really all about timing. You have to menace them with the nail-studded baseball bat before each and every round so they’re absolutely terrified to buzz in before you do. You also have to remember that the clock’s ticking and you only have a couple minutes of ads to warn the other players that you’ll cave their fucking faces in and splatter their brains all over the set if they cross you. It’s really less about knowing a lot of trivia, although that’s definitely important, than it is to be able to really hone in on how you’ll bludgeon them to a bloody pulp before attacking any of their loved ones in the studio audience if you lose.” Holzhauer added that he believed his strategy to be more effective than that of fellow Jeopardy! legend Ken Jennings, who has said the key to his success was holding a gun to his head before the Final Jeopardy! round and threatening to blow his brains out if he didn’t win.
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