Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone Star Wars film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.


Depressing subplot where a once youthful and open-minded Kenobi develops deep-seated prejudices against Jawas and Sand People

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Finally fills in events taking place between the ‘Kenobi’ Star Wars Expanded Universe novel and 1986 ‘Chewbacca and Friends’ collectible lunchbox


Frank Oz not sounding particularly into it


Introduction of sleazy realtor character who saddled Obi-Wan with his iconic piece-of-shit hut

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A special appearance by the original Obi-Wan Kenobi hyphen


Obi-Wan Kenobi finally meets Gungan son he conceived while serving tour of duty on Naboo during Trade Federation War

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Awkward conversation where pupil Luke Skywalker returns to ask for recommendation letter


Lightsabers, blasters, and spaceships scrapped in favor of raw, bare-knuckle combat

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A fleeting but unshakable feeling that this is no longer special