‘Yes, But How Did He Die?’ Ghoulish American Public Asks Of Recent Celebrity Death While Rubbing Delicate, Bony Hands Together And Smiling Thinly

Illustration for article titled ‘Yes, But How Did He Die?’ Ghoulish American Public Asks Of Recent Celebrity Death While Rubbing Delicate, Bony Hands Together And Smiling Thinly

WASHINGTON—A glint of curiosity in their otherwise lifeless eyes, the American public ghoulishly asked Thursday upon hearing of a recent celebrity death, “Yes, but how did he die?” as they rubbed their bony hands together and thinly smiled. “Was it an overdose?” said Mark Gansby of Chelmsford, MA, one of the hundreds of millions of Americans who licked their cracked, desiccated lips and wanted to know if he died peacefully or suffered first. “Was there blood? Did he die alone in a hotel room or something?” At press time, the nation had learned the celebrity had taken his own life and, saliva beading on the corners of their mouths, leaned in to ask if he shot himself.

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